My Dear Sweet Wife is An Angel Now …

Dear Readers & Friends,

With a deep regret and pain in my heart I have to write this post … my sweet dear wife Mihaela Catalina Stanciu has become an angel … My treasure passed into eternity on Tuesday, October 18th at 22:25, the Netherlands and her funeral took place on Sunday, October 23rd in Romania (Drobeta Turnu Severin).

img_3060My heart is broken … she (and I) was just 33 years old in 2013 when diagnosed with cancer. We were together since the age of 21 and after so many years of marriage our love was immense. She was so beautiful and kind and would give away to others everything she had. She did her best in everything she was involved, and during her studies in Romania and the Netherlands she always had the highest grades. She was so clever … and when we went through the most difficult period of our life fighting cancer she never complained to others. Instead she tried to help others going through their own difficulties. When she had pain she did not told me, to her parents or to her brother in order to protect us. She lived her life with such an intensity … she was laughing so beautiful and so often … she could see things where I could see nothing … She saw shapes of hearts everywhere … she picked up and brought to me small stones with the shape of a heart and she showed me hearts sculpted in mountains by nature … and she was drawing for me hearts in the sand on the beach … she was the love of my life. I was dreaming her and I saw her in my mind ever since I was a child, before knowing her. God gave her to me and now God took her from me …

angelSome years ago I made a “deal” with God: God will help her and I will help anyone I can in this world fighting cancer as much as I can. And I worked so much for this … when I could not respond to so many e-mails from people in need around the world, I made this website so that I can help more people within the 24h/day I have (next to my full time job that was needed to continue with our own treatments). And all this time was time that I did not gave to my dear sweet wife who was always so happy if I would give hear a little of my time. It was so painful for me to stay on the computer doing all this and not spending enough time with my love … this was a constant fight in my heart and mind …

Once, I will explain in detail our journey as I have everything documented, every day of treatment. For now I will stay short: my dear wife was diagnosed in 2013 with a very rare and aggressive form of cancer, i.e. adrenal cancer. Because the medical system delayed a lot her diagnostic (we even had to go to another country for diagnostic) the adrenal tumor has metastasized to the lungs, allover the lungs and thus not operable. A 14 cm adrenal tumor has been removed but just few months latter (beginning of 2014) another 4cm tumor has occurred at the same location next to the lung challenges. The hospital has suggested that she has months to live and that there is no serious conventional treatment due to the rarity. However, they could offer a combo of 3 aggressive chemos that would extend life with a few months. Extension of life by a few months at a very low quality level was not an offer that could be accepted by my dear wife. In February 2014, we started alternative treatments in Germany at dr. Kilarski and I started researching oncology day and night. Fortunately, research was what I did during all my life and that helped me to move faster in the medical field. During this time we came across and used treatment that have shown great results and that helped us to live 3 years after the diagnostic at a high quality level.

Unfortunately we lost so much time learning and making small steps. We were some of the first in the world doing what we were doing and we had to make the steps small such that if any step would have been made in the wrong direction we could correct it. The financial situation was another aspect slowing us down. And yet another challenge was that we were not only fighting the tumor but also the hormones produced by it. The tumor was a functional one, producing high amount of hormones one of which was Cortisol, this is turn having so large negative impact on various aspects including the immune system.

I strongly believe that if we could set time back, we would have high chances to cure my dear wife. For example, Salinomycin worked so well … but the tumors were too large and when we were using Salinomycin she was feeling immediately pain at the tumor location, sometimes to much due to cancer cell necrosis (also observed in blood tests and CT). This is why we could not use it often. 3BP has always helped us and Diflunisal helped us to stop progression initiated by a treatment we tried with Immuno therapy (anti PD1).

Overall, there are so many options that can extend life or even cure cancer patients. And this has been clearly demonstrated by my dear and sweet wife. There are so many options to improve current therapies including chemo and radiation. And so little is being used by the hospitals and so little known by most medical doctors. In most countries, medical doctors do not have either the time or the legal context to do more than what the “protocol” says. However, there are some medical doctors who have the capability and willingness to go beyond and help the patient.

img_9824After going through this shock that so much disrupted my life, I am thinking what to do next. I am 36 years old and feel like I have nothing else that I want to do in this life. I feel like I had everything I could wish for in a life time: All this years I had next to me the love of my life, a PhD work enabling a “Dutch Nobel Prize” that one day may be more than that, I had/have my dream job in a multi national company, and in my private life I helped many people and doctors across the world in oncology field … there is nothing else I want for me in this life.

But I know that all this time we lost with learning oncology may be of benefit to others as it may help others gain valuable TIME and (science and fact based) HOPE. I also so much understand the pain of every patient and his family going through this fight with cancer.

For all the people in need and in the memory of my dear sweet wife, I intend to start up a foundation that will have her name: Mihaela Catalina Stanciu Foundation

The activity of this foundation will be focused on

  • supplying of (science and fact based) information for cancer patients, their family and medical doctors regarding strategies to improve current treatment methods and new treatment strategies
  • with a focus on late stage cancers

As a side activity, the Foundation will also write reports based on feedback from patients on various subjects including results at clinics around the world and results after following specific treatments. For example, I find highly valuable to know what to expect from e.g. anti-PD1 Immuno therapy treatments that are so positively presented in the media while based on the info from various patients and personal experience shows so little results and so many side effects, and in many cases initiate tumor growth.

Therefore, once I feel a little better I will restart my activity in the oncology field to help others via Mihaela Catalina Stanciu Foundation.

As any charitable organisation, if you appreciate the type of activity and information provided, I kindly ask your support the activity of the foundation via the PayPal donation button located on the right side of this page. Every donation will matter for the continuity of this activity. Once I start up the Foundation, I will make visible all the donations and the related expenses on this website. The goal will be for me to be able to allocate all my time to the Foundation (while today I have to allocate that time to a full time job not related to cancer) and possibly one day have other colleagues. Also, we have to realize that some of the information shared on this page has come with high costs as for example finding the way how to formulate Salinomycin for intravenous administration (very expensive and a lot lost to find the right formulation).

This is on short the story of my past, present and future.

Thank you all for your support, appreciation and positive thoughts,
Daniel

Update August 9, 2018: to understand what we were fighting with in terms of typical survival see the figure in this PhD thesis, page 12 https://edoc.ub.uni-muenchen.de/22403/7/Jung_Sara.pdf or this article https://academic.oup.com/annonc/article/26/10/2119/144653

 

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86 thoughts on “My Dear Sweet Wife is An Angel Now …

  1. “We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when. But I know we’ll meet again some sunny day.”

    Daniel, after so many emails back and forth I am so sorry the two of us now share this. My heart is broken here in Tucson this morning. You added years to Miha’s life when days, hours and even minutes had become so important.

    My prayers for you and Miha’s beautiful souls will be numerous in the coming days.

    I’ll be in touch.

      1. Doamne ajuta , Daniel!
        Dumnezeu sa o ierte si sa o odihneasca cu dreptii pe sotia ta iubita!( poti sa o ajuti fantastic in acest sens prin activitatea ta pe care se vede ca o faci din dragoste pentru ea si pentru cei bolnavi ,activitate care daca va da roade (si sunt convins ca va da daca vei continua sa pui suflet in ceea ce faci) pentru ca milostenia pentru cei plecati dintre noi, alaturi de rugaciune si pomenirea la Sfanta Liturghie ajuta fantastic sufletele celor plecati – de fapt sunt singurele care ii ajuta:
        https://tratamenteanticancer.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/ier-serafim-rose-sufletul-dupa-moarte-1.pdf (pagina 189)
        )

        Si eu mi-am pierdut mama datorita cancerului tot in octombrie, pe 17, 2012(am vazut ca sotia ta s-a imbolnavit in 2013 dupa ce a plecat mama si a parasit aceasta lume in 2016 pe 18 …ce sa spun – parerea mea e desre coincidente este ca e modul lui Dumnezeu de a ramane anonim) .mama a mers pe varianta alopata pina la capat(spre final a incercat si alternative dar a fost cam tarziu). Una peste alta si eu am inceput o activitate de ajutorare a semenilor in acest sens imediat dupa(te felicit ca ai inceput aceasta activitate inca de cand sotia ta era bolnava): https://tratamenteanticancer.wordpress.com/ .

        Doresc sa iti trasmit ca apreciez efortul tau(si sunt sigur ca nu numai eu) si ca as dori sa preiau si sa traduc si pentru romani niste articole de la tine de pe acest blog(si am nevoie de permisiunea ta in acest sens)

        Daca esti de acord te rog sa imi spui cum procedam.
        Ori, daca vrei tu sa le traduci si sa le postezi aici eu le voi partaja la mine pe blog(cu permisiunea ta).
        Astept un raspuns de la tine (poate si colaboram, de ce nu?!!! totul e ca cei bolnavi sa poata beneficia )
        Dumnezeu sa te intareasca in credinta si sa iti dea putere de munca si sa ne lumineze pe toti in ceea ce facem .Doamne ajuta!

        1. Draga Cristian,

          Multumesc mult de mesaj. Imi pare foarte rau sa aud ca si tu ai trecut prin asa greutati. Si eu cred ca ajutorul dat oamenilor la nevoie are impact pozitiv asupra tuturor, inclusiv a clor dragi plecati dintre noi. Asta dupa cum ai spus, pe langa rugaciune si pomenire.

          Nu pot decat sa ma gandesc ca undeva la un nivel pe care nu il putem intelege, tot ce se intampla are un sens, in contextul in care cred ca viata noastra pe pamant nu este decat un mic pas in comparatie cu tot ceea ce este dincolo de aceasta viata.

          Cu siguranta ca iti permit preloarea si traducerea articolelor ce le consideri relevant, avand in vedere ca scopul este de ajuta pacientii. Insa pt ca am muncit mult la crearea lor, te rog sa explici pe website-ul tau de unde au fost preluate si sa adaugi un link catre postul original.

          Si eu vreau sa te felicit pentru ceea ce faci pentru oamenii ce trec prin aceasta experienta si pentru contentul de pe website-ul pe care l-ai creat. Cu siguranta imi va face placere sa tinem legatura si sa colaboram. Eu acum inca lucrez pe job-ul meu ce nu are de-a face cu oncologia, insa incepand cu anul urmator imi voi dedica tot timpul oncologiei, prin intermediul Fundatiei, cu intentia (si asteptarea) de a crea o organizatie cu impact major si global. Putem aranja, o discutie pe Skype sau poate chiar sa ne intalnim in vara cand vin in Ro i vacanta, in functie de uorasul in care locuiesti.

          Numai bine si Doamne ajuta!

  2. Daniel, my deepest condolences. I am very, very sorry for you loss.
    I hope you truly understand just how much I [we] appreciate the time and effort you put in to help others. I wish you will find peace and comfort through this sad and dark time and remember that your work did a huge difference for your wife. I hope you will find the strength to continue your very important work.
    I will contribute to your foundation and hope that everyone that benefited and continue to benifit from your research will do the same.
    Regards,
    Carl

  3. Daniel, my condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. Your site has helped me tremendously and I hope life will return all the generosity you have shown

    A hug from Spain

    Alfonso

  4. Daniel, this brings tears to my eyes. You helped me (I think it was you on the cancer compass forum) with some of the treatments I was looking at (3BP) and I really appreciated it. I wish so much I could help you now. I wish so much I could help all cancer patients and their loved ones. Many touched by the scourge of cancer want to help those suffering. Your goals are aligned with mine.

    Maybe you and I should talk some day.

    Recently a new immunotherapy drug was released for my cancer, HNSCC.
    http://www.cancer.org/cancer/news/news/fda-approves-keytruda-pembrolizumab-for-head-and-neck-cancer

    My oncologist states “Unfortunately Keytruda is only approved for those who have failed a previous chemotherapy.

    The choice of treatment should be a patient decision. It is simply wrong to withhold access to newer less toxic immunotherapy drugs because the patient rejected current chemotherapy treatment.

    Indeed, one wonders how many patients are even on the newer drugs as each patient on the drug must represent another current chemotherapy treatment failure!

    The world has gone crazy, right and wrong are blurred, the choice of treatment must be the cancer patients especially when toxic therapies are involved. I don’t see how anyone could justify this policy publicly.

    Again, your words are elegant, Thanks,
    John

    1. Dear John, thank you for your kind words. Let’s talk. Are you located in EU or USA? Keytruda is available at private clinics in Germany and if is to work lower dose should work and with much less side effects and at much lower price (maybe 1000 euro/month).

      1. Daniel,
        I live in the USA, North Carolina, East Coast time. Have to figure out the time difference. Maybe we should Skype as I don’t think I have international coverage on my phone.

        My goal is to challenge the policy of withholding recently released immunotherapy drugs from newly diagnosed HNSCC patients in an attempt to force patients to take toxic 1970’s drugs. I would like to see anyone, oncologist, drug company spokesman, any intelligent person actually try to justify this outrageous policy in public. I can’t think of anyway this can be justified as being within the patients interest.

        I’m not looking for a work around specifically for me. I want someone to explain why this policy exists.
        John

  5. Deep condolescens Daniel, I’m really sorry for your loss. You and your wife made so much for many people and I hope one day destiny will reward you for that. Your love is so deep and it will be eternal and one day you’ll see each other. She’s still with you and will give you the strenght to keep this fight.
    A hug from Italy
    Andrea

  6. This is such a tragedy Daniel, I feel so devastated, I don’t know what to say to be honest. I feel like losing one of my own family members.
    you are both heroes. always and forever.
    Pouya.

    1. Like you said Pouya I feet like I lost one of my own family members

      I couldn’t believe it , I can’t even talk to my mother about it as she will be very devastated and sad for this news like me 🙁

      God give you and me the strength to continue our journey without our loved ones

      your wife will always be in our hearts

      please stay strong

      1. Since I read Daniel’s post this evening I feel so detached from the reality around me. I just can’t wrap my mind around this. People may think I’m exaggerating but I truly feel like living a nightmare. I so wanted Daniel to win.

      2. Thank you Emad. You have all the tools to help your mother get well. Be wise in every step. We made a mistake. One month ago my wife went to the hospital due to some constipation. They kept her in the hospital to treat her for 4 days and when she came out everything went out of control. The hospital made mistakes when treating her not taking into account her condition. After 4 days in the hospital she came out with edema and coughing that took everything to the wrong direction. Trust the tools you have in your hands because they are great.

        1. I’m so sad for what terrible mistake that made by this hospital

          Cancer patients are too sensitive , and any little mistake can cause a total disaster

          after what happened I feel like I’m gonna continue alone

          but for sure if I don’t know about all these great tools you shared with us , it would be almost impossible for me to continue

          all thanks to you and our dear Miha

          and for sure I believe in them , and gonna use them continuously and wisely

          Kind regards

  7. Dear Daniel. I have been thinking all day about your post and feel so deeply saddened by this. You and your wife went through it all together ,love like that is not dependent on time and stays forever. It is a big tragedy, but I once heard someone saying that God put some people through the best and the worst in life, people who are special. I greatly admire your wife for her strength and beautiful soul… I know I am just someone who follows the posts, but for me, your story has been courageous and inspirational one. I send you my condolence and prayers.

    1. Thank you so much Lily. Your words and those from the other friends writing here are so very kind and they mean so much to me. I know you are trying to help as many people as possible in your country on the same line. Given the proximity of your country and my country of origin maybe we can do something together.

  8. I’m very sorry for your loss Daniel. Like the others have said, I really appreciate all of the work you have done for all of us and for your wife. Beating cancer is no easy task and you have come as close as anybody in existence has. If ever you need anything from my neck of the woods, you have my email and don’t hesitate to shoot me a message.

    “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame.”

    Romans 5:3-5.

    Stay strong.

  9. Daniel
    my most sincere condolences
    you are in my thoughts and prayers with this very sad news
    many people never find true love or their soul mate in life ; you clearly did and no doubt will have amazing memories
    May they help you during this time of loss
    Mihaela’s life has also directed you to the amazing work you do, that brings a beacon of hope to countless number of desperate / despairing people
    I cannot think of a life more rewarding than this
    Please accept this koha with these thoughts in mind

  10. Dear Daniel,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I really and truly felt that if anyone could, you were going to save her. With tears in my eyes my heart bleeds for you in your bereavement. I know what you are going through. I too lost the love of my life to cancer. Have faith, you will become strong again and able to carry on the great work you have started.
    My thoughts are with you.

    Ernest.

  11. Daniel,

    so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear and much loved wife. You showed her how much you loved and cared, which would have been an enormous comfort.
    If it helps ease your pain, please know that the time you put into researching treatments for her and sharing that knowledge with others is appreciated with much gratitude – you are inspirational. I have no doubt your efforts are changing lives for the better.

    Kind regards, and best wishes for the future.

    Andrew.

  12. Dear Daniel,
    We (Jenny and I) just read your story about the recent problems of your beloved Miha and the complete lack of understanding that the medical staff has for complicated problems in patients with cancer related complications. We both share your grief and wish you strength. Words can not express our feelings .

    Kind regards,
    Harrie and Jenny

  13. Dear Daniel,
    I’ve just visited your website and got shocked by the loss of your wife Miha. I feel deeply sorry and send you my condolences… There are not the right words which I like to tell you to express my sorry.

    Kind regards
    Klaus

  14. Dear Daniel,
    I am very saddened to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you during your difficult time. Miha is so special she can never be forgotten.
    Kind regards
    Melanie

  15. Dear Daniel,

    There isn’t one day that passes by without thinking of Miha and you since 18th October…you and Miha are the model of true love and sacrifice. I’d like to help you and thia foundation in any way I can and I am sure many others will do as well. We will be waiting for your return home. All our love and prayers to you and Miha.

    1. Dear Wim,

      Thanks a lot for your kind words! I hope to meet you soon and hear more about your advancements on methods to fight cancer, as you always come up with amazing and effective solutions.

      Kind regards,
      Daniel

  16. Dear Daniel,

    I have just discovered the terrible news, felt like hit by a bus.We were not at home really since the 9th of October just for chemo.We went from funeral to funeral and now I’m frozen to the soul.
    Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss, my deepest condolences.

    1. Hi Paul,

      Thank you very much for your message. Like I said above, the origin of this was a treatment mistake done in the hospital one month before loosing her, while treating something else, i.e. not cancer. Btw, I just heard of a friend who passed away, again from treatments from hospital and not due to tumors. And he was a medical doctor himself. His tumors were actually shrinking due to alternative treatments he was using (i just met him last week saying his oncologist could not explain why his tumors were shrinking) but he made the mistake to use immunotheraphy (Nivolumab) which triggered lethal side effects. I am sure this event will not be attributed to the immunotheraphy but to cancer …. and immunotheraphy will remain the hype that it is now.

      Back to our case, after all this fight, it became clear to us that extension of life way beyond what hospitals can do is possible. And not with the help of the hospitals yet, unfortunately. If treatments are done right even a cure may be possible. Off course, we need to work hard for that. With the foundation, I will do my best to find mechanisms through which these effective components (some of which are discussed here) can get to all people. First by creating awareness and ultimately enabling clinical trials. I am now planning the steps on that dirrection.

      Kind regards,
      Daniel

  17. Hi Daniel,
    My experience is that general healthcare generally does not care. My wife was misdiagnosed too to have metastasis in the lungs that’s why she was not suitable for surgery which could cured her. She still has nothing in the lungs after almost two years. They have not cared to take a tissue sample to see if their X-ray expert was right despite our protests.
    Almost anybody could be kept alive with solid tumors but it is too much work – it is nothing new with intratumoral injections – 70% ethanol could do that or almost anything. Killing off a couple of tumors per patient then repeating it maybe every month is too much to do.
    Hope foundation will be successful and maybe give some solace by taking revenge on cancer.

    Kind regards
    Paul

  18. Dear Daniel,

    Please tell me how can i help you to make this foundation alive?
    Foundations aim is to help people.And yes you help people more than a foundation.
    Also there are some workers in foundations.Foundation needs always some investment.
    And you are working alone although it is not your duty.
    I know your aim is only to help people and your angel wifes name to live forever.You DESERVE this.
    As i see and experienced,the cancer patients are having financial problems because it makes all of us upsidedown.

    I have some ideas.Why dont we use youtube?
    This website has a serious visitor number.You can give links from the videos.Or take some advertisements.
    For example a video how to prepare iv vitamin c.
    Or iv DCA,Salinomycin etc.
    Lots of videos about alternative treatments in different languages.
    We can help you.
    This is just an idea,we can talk on this if you wish.
    Kind Regards
    Ergin

  19. My deepest condolences Daniel. She lives in a better world than we do now and she lives with the Angels.
    Im sure your foundation wil be heading in the right direction cause you are good human being. Let me know if i can be of any assitance

  20. My deepest condolences and warmest Aloha for your loss. You are a good man and it is easy to see that your wife was inspirational in leading to your helping others.

  21. Daniel, your bravery and efforts are an example to us all. I loose hope sometimes but people like you inspire everyone. My mother and I have cancer, after a decade we found something that seems to be working for her breast cancer. I haven’t had such success yet but am trying a lot of things – probably too much, I wonder if if they are interacting negatively…
    Anyway, keep inspiring.
    Andy

    1. Dear Andy, thank you so much for your comment. I am sorry to hear about these challenges but as you see fortunately there are so many more options, many of which remain confined to academic space only. It would be great if you could share with us what you think works for your dear mother. If you like, you could also share the elements that you think may interact negatively and we could try to see if we have any info on their interaction.
      All the best,
      Daniel

  22. Hi Daniel, I have been looking at natural options for a decade now, originally for my mother and now for me too. She has breast cancer: estrogen receptor sensitive infiltrating carcinoma. For her, Letrozole combined with a BioBran MGN-3 Arabinoxylan protocol. The protocol also includes some antioxidant SOD component and fish extract pills – I will find the names. We are not 100% sure how effective the Biobran protocol would be on its own without Letrozole – it would be silly to test or change anything because her tumor is shrinking, if you have cancer on the run then kill it! At some stage she said that she did try Letrozole on its own and was of the opinion that it didn’t work as well, that it simply controlled and did not shrink tumor, I am not sure how scientific her test was!

    In my case I tried many things then my research lead me to RGCC (before I first came to your site) and I had those labs done. RGCC do not give enough data on the natural substances, for example they say “It is recommended to use in a monthly base one agent from each class and then switch them after a month with the next potent agent from the same class in order to avoid secondary resistance.” – that you should only take one substance from each class/category: cytotoxic, immuno stimulant/modulator, PK inhibitor. I am sure that secondary resistance does not occur with every single natural substance, if it did then you yourself would not recommend such a large range of substance together as you do on your treatments page; I think Artemisia is the only one you mention as having a weakened effect due to its own metabolites. Using just one item from each category as per RGCC’s advice seems like a weak approach; from what I gather they are quite busy with drug development so I guess they do not research this mentioned secondary resistance issue with natural substances. Its still an incredibly advanced set of tests and excellent data, I just wish they took it further, it has a lot more unexplored potential in with natural substances. I will email you and will update this thread again later.
    Thanks.
    Andy

    1. Hi Andy,

      Thanks a lot for the details. Indeed, I would also not change anything at this point as long as the tumor is shrinking.

      In theory, I like the approach of RGCC and their suggestion regarding the switching of drugs/supplements. Actually, even in reality. But just using a few of the elements from RGCC test is also risky, and addressing only the categories they are referring to e.g. cytotoxic, immuno stimulants, etc. is probably not enough, in general. Yes, RGCC chemosensitiviy is nice as a starting point and using the data they are providing on overexperssions and downregulations is even more powerful. What I mean with that is to identify the major risks based on the profile of the circulating tumor cells and try to address those risks with drugs/supplements etc. that are available. But for that we need to perform our own research to identify drugs/supplements to address those risks factors. I hope I was too abstract with the above.

      I am looking forwards to see your update, indeed, and thanks again.

      Kind regards,
      Daniel

  23. Daniel
    I am sorry it has taken so long to post here. Your work has be invaluable to my wife and many of my pts. I wish to post something I have written about our journey.

    Cancer has a mindfulness accountability partner.

    My wife is a picture of health. She has always eaten well been physically active and has a wide network of friends and family.

    One day a few years ago a routine asymptomatic colonoscopy altered some of that. She had an obviously cancerous mass. A workup ensued which revealed stage 4B metastatic colon cancer. Ultimately she was found to have mets from the colon to her ovaries, liver and lungs.

    Extremely skilled surgeons and Oncologist achieved a miraculous state of “no evidence of disease”.

    Unfortunately overtime metastases in her lungs started to grow. She is now back on chemotherapy.

    Often as I watch her in social situations, vibrant, full of life and engaged in meaningful interaction, I begin to tear. You see cancer is terrifying. But this is where the mindfulness accountability partner comes in. We have to live in this moment. In fact all of us have to live in this moment. If you have 1 foot in the past and 1 foot in the future you have nothing to stand on in this moment. All of that is made profoundly clear by cancer. We could live in the past and relive all of the what-ifs. What if we had done the colonoscopy earlier. What if, what if, what if. Or we could live in the future. We could wonder about a cure or progression. But now is when life is happening. And whether we have a short time or a lifetime together we will live it now.

    It is human nature to attribute blame or success on something that we personally have done. We might blame ourselves for a disease state because we didn’t exercise enough or didn’t eat the right kinds of vegetables. We might think that we are the “Victor” over disease because we ate the right kind of vegetable or exercised enough. We talk about fighting disease and winning the battle. And that somehow suggests that there are losers of this battle. And that suggests that the losers must not have tried hard enough or work hard enough or had enough vegetables or done enough exercise or had the right thoughts or prayed enough or believed enough. That is simply false. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and there doesn’t appear to be a good reason for it.

    We all will die. Whether we die of any particular disease is neither a victory or defeat it is simply true. Having a disease that is not curable does not leave you defeated. And sometimes the rational thing to do is stop treatment. That does not imply giving up. At other times the rational thing to do is every treatment option available, and that does not imply that you’re fighting harder. Both actions imply that you’re doing the right thing for that particular moment.

    And it is possible to be dying from a disease while healing your life. This sounds insane, I know, but it can be true. Cancer can be an accountability partner for mindfulness. Mindfulness can place our life in a kind of focus rarely achieved outside of that sort of accountability partner. It allows us to focus on how we are really more alike than different, how to focus on the important things and to let go of the trivial things, how to love people for who they are and where they are. And how to forgive.

    Forgivenness, to have compassion upon yourself and and let go. The root of the word forgive means to untie. To forgive is really to untie yourself from negative, entrapping emotions. Cancer as an accountability partner for mindfulness can allow for the strength to see past the differences and towards forgiveness.

    Tom Sult
    Sent from my iPhone

    1. Dear Dr. Sult, Dear Tom,

      Thank you so much for your comment. I so much resonate with every of the words above. That is the approach that helped us going through the past years. We just took every day as is, and tried to do the best out of it, as much as we could. I could say, that was the case more for my wife than for me. She never saw herself as being sick, and I never saw her in that way. We were just taking the fight against cancer as normal as eating, sleeping. That is also the reason why we never had a discussion about what if …

      Yes, we all die one day. And whether we have one day left, one year, ten years, one hundred years, times go fast and life goes fast. This is why I suggest to all those reading this comments to live today. Be aware about those around you. The loved ones that may fight with cancer or anyone you love. You are today together and that is life. Life is today, not tomorrow.
      We all, humans, have learned how to constantly live in the past or even more in the future. Since we are young, we prepare for high-school, when we are at high-school we are preparing for university, after that for a job, and then for the next step in career, ans so on. But what we do not realize is that today we have what we wished for yesterday.

      We, those fighting cancer, have the tendency to live even more in the future, thinking about the next treatment and what if that will not work, what is next?. And then, when something doesn’t work we think what if we would have taken another route. I now realize Tom, that it would help so many if you could write an article for this website. I will publish that with all the related credits and connections to your website. Your thoughts are so important, as they come not only from someone educated in this field, not only from someone with a medical degree, but more importantly from someone like all of us here, dealing with everything that comes with a cancer diagnostic. The way you think is so clear and healthy so that an article written by you on the same topic you wrote above, would be of great help for the people visiting this website.

      Thank you again!

      Kind regards,
      Daniel

  24. Few things make me cry. Your loss, the quest to help others, the tenacity and ambition.
    I much preffer a good beating than to have to deal with all this, most likely like you and many others feel.
    I would walk away limping, shaking, bleeding even. But not crying.
    Thank you for what you are doing to help us all. I can only hope my situation will get better with mom, and once done you will have with you a strong ally.
    I am and was faimous for “squeezing the juices out of rocks” when nobody could find solutions to problems. You will find a valuable friend in me in this journey. I will do my best to help you in your quest for the cures, in helping people save their own life or that of their loved ones.
    This problem that now faces my mother, that i wish to help with, has gotten her and me in our knees.
    How else could i show gratitude but to join forces if i may be welcomed.
    No words can express how i feel for your loss and huge efforts.
    I too sometimes fall from my chair due to sleep depravation, nutritional defficit, reading on the interned, looking for hope, answers.
    THANK YOU
    Alex

    1. Dear Alex,

      Only now I see the message.
      Thank you so much for your very kind words!
      Off course you are very welcome in joining the forces.
      Let’s keep in touch on this. Before that you need to fully focus on helping your dear mom.

      Best wishes,
      Daniel

  25. Daniel,

    Just a thought…..

    Even if you did not spend 100% of your free time with your wife you made her able to go on with her life (you say at high quality) – she did not have to give up, she did not have to plan her own funeral. She died but she was never beaten by the freaking cancer because of you and her strength. You should not blame yourself because of the private time lost. Probably it helped you cope with the situation.

    You and your wife are heros to me.

    1. Thank you very much for your kind thought, Wondering!

      She and I, never saw her as being sick. I was so proud of her: when someone would tell her she is sick she would just simply answer “No, I am not!” 🙂
      With that in mind, off course we did our best in terms of treatments. Sometimes, having 4-5x/week IVs, while she was painting or watching TV or even on holiday. We took that just like food and water. We need to have them in order to live.
      Indeed, this way of thinking was always supported by having a main treatment plan (and alternatives to that). And for that I had to work hard.
      But whether I want or I don’t, it will always be in my mind the fact that I could have spent a little more time with her … and less time asking her if she took the pills, etc. Once that comes to my mind I try thinking of something else as I know I cannot change anything of that anymore & I know I did what I thought is better at that given moment.
      Anyway, I miss her everyday.

      Based on my learning, I can only advice all the caregivers and patients to try and balance the search for new treatments with actually living the life now. It is today that you are together with your loved ones. Have a balance between planning the tomorrow, while leaving the today.

      Beyond that, although I am a scientist and a technical guy from an education point of view, and you may not expect that based on my technical posts, I strongly feel and believe that there is so much more beyond this life.
      Science is just scratching the surface of that fact, but scientific evidence already stars to build up supporting that view, with some of the best scientific institutes contributing to that (like Max Planck Institute from Germany). In this context, I also believe and hope, one day we will meet again.
      Until that point, we just have to spend the time we have on this planet while having a positive contribution whenever and with whatever we can, as much as we can.

    2. Very good choice of words Wondering.
      This small exchange of words is helping me and my mother, and i hope it will help many others reading.
      It’s so hard to remember to do anything else other than worry, stress, treatment. Perhaps a reason of possible treatment failure…
      We pray for your wife, for you Daniel to stay in good health, to help us all, to get well so we can help you help others.
      We pray for everyone here, let us all have a nice weekend.

      Best wishes from Alex & Mother!

  26. Happy Easter dear friends,
    Let us all pray and enjoy tranquility.
    Let us all remember to say I Love You to our close ones.
    And let’s not forget Daniel’s sweet wife in our thoughts.

    Wishing all our friends here a very nice Easter and a relaxing weekend.
    Alex & Mother.

  27. Doamne ajuta!

    Draga Daniel,

    Am descoperit povestea voastra si ma bucur ca doresti sa ajuti alti oameni care au nevoie de ajutor.

    Dumnezeu sa o odihneasca pe Mihaela cu cei drepti!

    Sa-ti dea Dumnezeu sanatate, inspiratie si putere!

    Spor in toate cele bune,
    Leonard

  28. Dear Daniel,

    I am convinced that you wife had a golden heart, just like yours, and she takes care o you from somewhere in heaven and she is very proud of what you are doing to help others.

    Îți mulțumesc pentru ca mi-ai sugerat sa fac un teste mamei mele, am luat sânge, l-am trimis în Grecia și a venit astăzi rezultatul, mama este încă sensibila la 6 substanțe de chimioterapie, ceea ce ne da sperante. Vreau sa îi dau și DCA, după ce învăț Cum se face, deoarece am citit pe site-ul tău ca ajuta.

    Sa-ti dea Dumnezeu sănătate, putere de munca și mulțumire pentru ceea ce ai făcut bun în viețile altora,
    Cu drag,
    Anca

    1. Dear Anca,

      Thanks a lot for your message. I am glad to hear that you have done the RGCC test and that shows potential for other chemotherapies. Did you do the natural substances tests as well or only chemos? Do you have an oncologist who agrees to use the RGCC test as a guide for future treatment strategy?

      Kind regards,
      Daniel

    1. Thank you. The work is in progress and I will see at the end of August what will be delivered regarding the monument that is being done for me dear wife. However, I have great expectations.

      Kind regards,
      Daniel

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